Sitting in the dark, so grateful for the first fire ever in our new house that I did nothing to earn but was overtly blessed to get, I sit here struggling with faith.

I have so much.  I have a beautiful house, heaf, healthy children, employment: while I’m by no means a millionaire or even wealthy we do well.  

And I am grateful for and I love these things.  I try to share my good fortune. I pray.  I try not to take things for granted.  I know I do not deserve them:

 But it’s difficult.  There are those very close to me going through a seeming opposite slope.  Money is tight, fighting for the basics is an uphill battle and it is as if life is conspiring against them.

And I feel in my heart they are more deserving.  They work hard.  They believe hard.  They pray hard.

I want them to enjoy these blessings too but God has not yet seen fit to pull them out of the fire.  And so I question.  I reach out to God for direction and I get radio silence.  I want to know what God wants me to do next and I cannot hear Him no matter how I pursue.

Dear Jesus, I ask in your name that you guide my next steps.  Help me know what you wanted me; help me know what the next steps need to be.  I thank you for all that you have done, and all I believe you will do.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.